Not sure how I missed this when it first hit the news but as reported back a few weeks ago the Parkland Police Department (a community outside Tacoma Washington) responded to calls of a heavily armed man standing next to his car in the middle of the street. It is, tragically, clearly no joke these days when someone is out in public brandishing weapons. Fortunately the police were able to talk him into voluntarily coming into their custody without further incident. The fellow explained his actions were due to his having heard that morning from President Donald Trump: the leader of the free world, he explained, had called to regretfully inform this Parkland resident that his family had been abducted by the lizard people; specifically by their Alpha Dragon Leader.
In the same interview, the self-styled reptile-people combatant also acknowledged his unorthodox nutritional plan which was basically snorting methamphetamine in order to drop a bunch of unwanted pounds. Obviously anticipating that the police officers might just add 1 and 1 (in this case that’s lizard people + drugs) and discover that the answer is 2, the individual explained “the meth doesn’t make me crazy, man. The lizard people are real!” As last reported, the gentleman was escorted to a hospital for evaluation and, assumedly, drug rehab treatment. There is no report of criminal charges being filed.
Not that the man’s plan was entirely misguided, mind you. When asked why he exited his car in the middle of the road with guns drawn, he explained his intent was not to incite violence but instead to cause a commotion so that that the media would share his story and garner support to rescue his family from their reptilian captors, which is basically what I am doing here. As someone who shares an office with two tortoises and almost always has snakes, lizards and turtles looking for homes, I can’t say I’m thrilled with a new bad rap on reptiles but, what the heck: Be on the lookout.
