This serves as the required Formal Notice of a new set of policies and procedures impacting the animals, and the people who care about the animals, of San Mateo County and its 20 incorporated cities. Effective 8:30 a.m., this coming Saturday, April 1, all pet animals residing within San Mateo County and cities shall, when on public streets, be required to carry with them biodegradable bags suitable for removal of their own solid waste.
To be clear, effective this date owners and guardians of animals will no longer be allowed to carry said receptacles; rather, animals themselves are to have immediate and direct possession of the receptacles. Bags are currently available at most garden supply and grocery chains, as well as most pet supply retail establishments. Custom designer bags are expected to soon be available online.
Resolving a debate not widely known in lay circles, this addresses a concern long expressed in academic communities, particularly among those focused on human-animal-extraterrestrial relationships and the scatological sciences. Perhaps best summarized by Dr. J. Seinfield, noted observer of human behavior, while referencing the possibility of intelligent life on other planets observing Earth: “If you see two life-forms and one is making a poop and the other is carrying it for him, who would you think is in charge?”
Recognizing that dogs, cats and other companion animals claim to be incapable of carrying such items (the whole “no thumbs” argument) owners and guardians are encouraged to immediately go online to the website TrainPetsToCarryTheirOwnPoopBags.com to facilitate implementation of this new set of policies and procedures. Please note that public libraries can provide free access to this website.
It is hoped that this new requirement does not diminish any San Mateo County residents’ enjoyment of April 1, also known as April Fools Day, or the days which follow. Sadly, we have already begun to hear complaints from several dogs and cats as well as one cranky boa constrictor.
Ken White is the president of the Peninsula Humane Society & SPCA
Read more from Ken White in the San Mateo Daily Journal.